I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
