I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
