my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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