no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
we're blogging at a bar
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
