I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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