I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
