its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
