The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
