So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
