We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
