she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
