I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
