I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
