Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
