I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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