He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
