Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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