So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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