Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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