I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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