'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
