Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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