just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
