Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
