like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
