I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
