you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I still have a little drunk in my system
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
