i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
