I think I died a long time ago.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
