the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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