You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
