the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
