I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
