my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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