So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
