yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
