I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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