a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
