haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
