I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
