the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
