So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
