is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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