Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If I die, sorry about rent.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
