Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
