Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
