i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
being pregnant is like rehab
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
