I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
