my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
