when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
