barbara walters just said penis...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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