Your face is a jimmy john
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It was like getting head from an anaconda
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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