He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
