i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
